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It's Only Human
An article by
Julie Donner Andersen
Author of “PAST: Perfect! PRESENT: Tense! Insights From
One Woman’s Journey As The Wife Of A Widower”
http://www.authorsden.com/juliedonnerandersen
When I was conducting research
while writing my book, I had contacted and communicated with
over 100 WOWs (Wives Of Widowers). In order to find a common
thread among all of us, I posed questions to each of them
regarding what issues they had dealt with as a WOW. Oddly
enough, the results of this survey often prompted me to reassure
these women by uttering a quasi-patronizing, “That’s OK. It’s
only human”.
It’s only human to feel
threatened by a ghost who will always reside in your husband’s
heart. It’s only human to feel anxiety on the anniversary
date of the late wife’s death. It’s only human to wonder
if your husband will ever love you the way he loved his late
wife.
“It’s OK. I’m only human”.
That’s partially true. I AM human. And because of this
indisputable fact, it only follows that my feelings are human,
too. But is it “OK” to have these feelings of self-doubt,
anxiety, and fear? In a word…no!
I had used this same statement of
affirmation on myself when I first married my previously widowed
husband. When the old “Insecurity Monster” reared its ugly head
and forced me to react negatively or to feel threatened by the
late wife’s memory and eerie presence in my marriage, I repeated
over and over, “What I am feeling is normal…because I’m only
human, after all”. In other words, I excused myself, and by
doing so, I had glossed over my fears and allowed them to be
pushed aside for the time being. I had not only used this lame
excuse to feel better about my negative emotions, but I had also
used it to avoid finding a solution to my problematic fears as
well.
Why? What was the payoff for my
hanging onto my insecurities? Did they benefit my marriage?
Did they change the past? Did they make me stronger? Of course
not. Negative emotions of fear, anxiety, and self-doubt are NOT
of God. They are Satan’s tools, and he knows how to operate
them to put a wedge in your faith and to try to separate what
God has joined together.
Yes, all emotions are human
emotions. God understands this. After all, Jesus was a human,
and felt the negative emotion of fear in the Garden of
Gethsemane. However, the big difference between what is human
and what is divine was demonstrated by how Jesus handled His
anxiety. He went straight to His Father in heaven and asked for
strength. He did not stuff his negative emotions into his
pocket. Rather, he focused on a solution. And by doing so, He
illustrated that that is what He wants us to do, too.
It is easy to do or feel what
comes naturally…to do or feel what is human. But Christ calls
us to do what is spiritual…and divine. He wants us to come unto
Him, release our burdens, then be still and know that He will
deliver. In Psalm 56:3, the Lord speaks through the psalmist
and reminds us of this: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in
You”. He wants us to trust our faith and not our humanness.
It would be arrogant for me,
either as advice for my fellow WOWs or even for myself, to ever
utter the phrase “It’s OK…I’m only human!” ever again, as if
what is human supersedes what is Spirit-directed. My humanity
does not address the issues related to fear, anxiety, or
insecurity. Most of the time, my humanness only serves to
exacerbate my problems.
Of course my human feelings and
those of my sister WOWs are real and worthy of mention, perhaps
even validation. But when we rely on ourselves - on our
humanness - to excuse away our negative feelings, we stop
putting our trust in God, and the result is a separation from
the only One who can comfort, love, and strengthen us out of the
darkness of our negative humanity.
This
article is copyrighted by the author. All Rights Reserved. No
part of this article may be reprinted without permission of the
author.
©Copyright 2002
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