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God's Woman Knows Biblical Self Esteem

by Teresa Demory

Over the past few years we have heard so much about self esteem--- it is becoming the buzz word of our times---the "self esteem movement" is very prevalent in our society. We are hearing so much in the news that our children will excel in school, sports and make better citizens if they have greater self esteem. This kind of self esteem is the key to happiness---so it has been said. The word "esteem" is defined as "to have a high opinion of; to value greatly." Therefore self esteem would be the worth that one places upon oneself. 

Anyone can see that the "self esteem movement" has added to the confusion over the corporal discipline of children. We have been told since the 60's, by so-called experts, that a disciplined child is a damaged child. This movement holds no one accountable for their actions today---it might hurt their "self esteem". In more recent years discipline of children is considered abuse. In spite of what the so-called experts say---there doesn't seem to be a lack of self esteem in those who were disciplined as children. I'd like for us to look into the this subject of self esteem and compare man's view to what God's Word has to say about it.

What Are Some Causes of Low Self Esteem?
There are some things that we know can cause what is called low self esteem. Many may seem to perceive that the way they look---the way they see themselves maybe as unattractive---causes them to have low self esteem. They might think they are too thin, too heavy, have a bad complexion, crooked teeth, big nose, too tall or too short. But true beauty is not of the face---but of the soul---it's the attitude that shines through a happy heart, a smiling face, kind words and deeds, the desire to help others and the wonderful attitude that comes from being a child of God. 

Some very "beautiful" people are so self-centered, conceited and obnoxious that people had rather not be around them and instead might choose to be around someone who is funny, charming, compassionate and spiritual---someone who loves being alive. Beauty on the inside will grow with age, while beauty on the outside fades (II Cor. 4:16). Some think if they could only look better---it would solve all their self esteem problems----some even go to great lengths to do so by having plastic surgery-having a nose job, their chin reshaped or liposuction. This is becoming very popular with high school girls and with the full support of parents wanting their children to excel at everything in life-and thinking that altering their physical looks will be the answer. 

There are some godly women in the world who have both outer beauty and inner beauty and will tell you that their physical outer beauty seems very often to be a curse rather than a blessing. How could this be??? They are very often followed and propositioned by strange men---Some just make passes at them or crude remarks. These godly women are not trying to attract this kind of attention---they dress modestly and even try to tone down their outward beauty. They are not trying to cause someone to stumble.

Some feel badly about themselves because they lack the formal education that others have. They feel dumb or inferior. It is never too late to learn---you can read and help yourself become more knowledgeable. Moses thought he was not an eloquent speaker---although he was probably an educated man having grown up in the palace he still didn't think much of his own speaking ability. God did not let Moses drift off into a state of self pity and low self esteem---He told him to go anyway and to take his brother Aaron to help him and that He (God) would be with him (Ex. 4:10-14). David was a shepherd as was Amos. Remember Peter, James and John (the sons of Zebedee), Thomas, Nathanel and Andrew---these disciples were mere fisherman-they didn't have a lot of education---yet the disciples taught the gospel and Peter and John both wrote books of the Bible. 

A noted educator Dr. William Lyon Phelps, who taught for 41 years at Yale University, once said, "...I thoroughly believe in a university education for both men and women; but I believe a knowledge of the Bible without a college education is more valuable than a college course without the Bible" (quoted in Dehoff, 1956, p. 13). Abraham Lincoln spent less than one year in the classroom, but he was recognized as a brilliant leader.

Low self esteem might come from tragic circumstances in one's life---such as having been conceived out of wedlock or conceived as the result of a rape or incest. This might cause one to have a low opinion of themselves---but it is possible to overcome and rise above the knowledge of such a horrible event.

Children often suffer low self esteem because of the way their parents live and conduct themselves. Perhaps they have a parent on drugs, in prison, one who drinks, goes out partying dresses immodestly or because they come from a broken home. We must learn that we are not responsible for the evil deeds of others (Eze. 18:20). We will each give account for our own selves (II Cor. 5:10).

One of the most recognized reasons for low self esteem today is physical and emotional abuse. A parent or spouse may physically beat and scare a person so as to make them feel worthless. An uncaring husband might tell his wife that she is lazy, fat, stupid and good for nothing---this emotional beating is just as abusive as a physical beating. Many children suffer constant criticism and some are even beaten or sexually abused---but it is possible to get past these terrible experiences with God's help. Suffering is very hard but as did Job in the Old Testament---we also can overcome.

When a Christian, who loves God very deeply, struggles with a moment of weakness and is involved in personal sin---the blow to one's self esteem can make it very difficult for them to forgive themselves when they have repented and it's hard for them to regain a sense of Christian dignity---especially when others know about their sin. David's soul following his adultery with Bathsheba caused him to groan throughout the day and there was no relief until he finally acknowledged his sin and allowed God to take away his pain (II Sam. 11-12; Ps. 32:1-7).

Sometimes parents or spouses for that matter of fact, become so busy with self, materialistic things, working long hours, having after hour meetings and parties, etc., that the child or spouse becomes starved for affection and attention and the love they so desperately need and want---that they surrender themselves (without reservation) to anyone who is there to provide a hug and understanding heart---what seems to them to be love, some turn to cults, Internet sex, or they rationalize sexual promiscuity and an adulterous affair. This kind of sexual compromise often produces humiliation---and unless as David did the person repents and allows God to help him/her---they will be drawn into a pit of low self esteem. We must also learn to forgive ourselves if we have repented and God has forgiven us.

Can you imagine what a blow to his self esteem it could have been when God told Hosea to go and marry a harlot and to have children with her? (Hosea 1:2). What about Joseph's self esteem when his brothers sold him into slavery (Gen. 37). There are many in Scripture who could have allowed themselves to take on a damaged view of themselves---yet they rose above it with their faith in the Almighty.

"Self esteem, like happiness, usually eludes the person who seeks it directly. Why? Both are by-products of basically -engrained concepts" (Lottie Beth Hobbs, Choosing Life's Best, p.26). Over and over we hear that self esteem is a major psychological problem. Have you ever wondered why this has become such a huge problem in our "enlightened" nation? Think about it---Could it be that schools, "Real TV", books, magazines and even some religious institutions have been teaching that we are nothing more than overgrown amoeba, evolved into a two-legged animal, who must stumble through this terrible world to an uncertain end. (In other words you came from goo--went to the zoo---and turned into you!!). Then being sent to therapy and told you are a "god" ---- "love yourself and feel good about yourself'. To tell a child this is not only useless, but destructive---unless he is given a firm, effective, Biblical foundation upon which to build. 

A friend of mine went to a psychologists for help after she had to undergo a complete hysterectomy at a very young age and could no longer bear children---she had a very low opinion of herself. She and her husband were both Christians and she sought the help of a psychologist instead of a sound Christian counselor. He told her the problem was her husband and his strong belief in God and the Bible and that all she needed to be concerned with was "herself' and her well being. He informed her that the only way she could get better was to divorce him and look out for herself. This was about 9 years ago---she has never divorced him---but refuses to live with him---she has completely left the church and has substituted drugs, sexual promiscuity, and even some witchcraft for the love of her husband and God. Her husband is a faithful gospel preacher , but it was very hard to obtain a job with his marital situation as it is.

A Self to Live With
There are 3 views of every person-the view God has of us, the opinions others have of us and the opinion we have of ourselves.

My dear friend Lottie Beth Hobbs, says in her book Choosing Life's Best (p. 22), "Success with self is essential. The world's applause is but a vain and hollow echo in an empty heart, if one has no respect for the person he sees in the mirror each day. Abundant living requires inner worth and integrity, or else we live constantly with someone we despise. We could sail the seas, rocket to the moon or Mars; but when we arrived, we would find the one person from which there is no escape---ourselves. But this is not the end of the matter. We must also live with ourselves in eternity. Death does not transform us. It merely transports us. How essential then to develop a self fit to live with! A difficult and important challenge---to conquer, to train, to ennoble ourselves---self-mastery achieved through self-discipline, not self-indulgence."
Even though we must develop a self fit to live with---we must do so according to Scripture---we must examine ourselves honestly---our own self-perception can be extremely over-rated. 

In Romans 12:3 we are cautioned not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought. We must not be conceited (Rom. 11:20) and we must not be haughty or high-minded or wise in our own eyes (conceited) (Rom. 12:16). If we really knew the impressions that others have of us, we might see ourselves in a completely different light---and change. But on the other hand---- we can also suffer from the unwarranted character assassination of others---sometimes we are unjustly maligned--Jesus certainly was---as was Paul.

In order to have a self fit to live with we must see how the Lord looks at us. He doesn't just look at people outwardly but rather, "...God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart "(I Sam. 16:7). "...For Thou alone doest know the hearts of all the sons of men" ( I Kings 8:39). "...For the Lord is a God of knowledge and with Him actions are weighed" (I Sam. 2:3). In John 2:25 Christ said for He Himself knew what was in a man. "If some of the world's "beautiful people" were turned inside out, and revealed as God sees them, how grotesque they might appear." (Wayne Jackson, The Bible and Mental Health, p. 52)

To be able to enjoy a well balanced, fulfilled life we must search the Scriptures (Acts 17:11) and do as the wise man, Solomon said, "...Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man" (Eccl. 12:13). This is such a simple formula---but most blow it off as being too simple.

We must center our lives around someone or something---so say psychologists. The Bible clearly shows us the necessary "object" of the "centered life"---- "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up" (Deut. 6:5-7; Matt. 22:35-37).
We say we must put God FIRST on our list (Matt. 6:33)---but--- isn't God the list! "For in Him we live, and move, and have our very being" (Acts 17:28).

We are made in the very image of God (Gen. 1:26). He was aware of every detail of our lives before we were born (Ps. 139:14-16). He knows everything about us --what we need, what we eat or drink ( Matt. 6:25-32). He even knows the number of hairs on our head (Matt. 10:30). We are of great value to Him. We can also know how valuable we are to God because He gave His only begotten Son as a free gift to redeem mankind (John 3:16). He doesn't want anyone to perish (II Pet. 3:9). In Luke 15 we can see the value of each individual soul. When the Word (John 1:1) became flesh (John 1:14) , He left His perfect home in Heaven where He was equal to God, the Father (Phil. 2:6) and assumed His submission role as God-man---the Son of God. I don't think we understand fully all Christ did for us---consider the following from Brother Wayne Jackson:

(1) "Even though the Lord has already ascended back to heaven, Paul was still proclaiming that He "is [present tense verb] the Son of God" (Acts 9:20). Jesus was not the "Son of God" prior to the incarnation (cf. Luke 1:35), but He remained so after His ascension.
(2) Again, thirty years or so after the Lord's return to heaven, the apostle refers to the Savior, our mediator before God, as the man, Christ Jesus (I Timothy 2:5).
(3) The writer of Hebrews affirms: "For both He [Christ] that sanctifies [present participle] and they that are sanctified [present participle] are all of one [nature]: for which cause he is not ashamed [present tense] to call them brothers... " (Hebrews 2:11).
(4) Even in the final order of things, following, "the end," Christ will deliver all things back to God, and He Himself will be subject to the Father (see I Corinthians 15:24-28).
What is the significance of this point we are making? Simply this: If it is the case that the mission of the Son of God involved an eternal surrender of certain privileges, and all for our benefit, it reveals a depth of divine love for us that is utterly staggering. If that does not enhance one's appreciation of his worth, likely nothing ever will." (The Bible and Mental Health, p. 71).


The Bible and Self Esteem
Paul addresses the idea of self esteem in Philippians 2:3-8, "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being (existing ASV) in the from of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God (counted not the being on an equality with God a thing to be grasped ASV): But made himself of no reputation (emptied himself ASV), and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: and being found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself„ and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. "
This was one of the major attributes of Christ and we are commanded to be like Him when it comes to how we see ourselves in relation to others.

First look at the phrase "let each esteem other better than themselves" in verse 3--The word esteem in Phil.23 comes from a Greek word that means "to suppose or consider". Paul is telling those in Philippi that a Christian should not consider Himself better than another Christian----even though Paul is speaking to Christians and their treatment of their brethren---I think that in principle it applies to everyone.

In verse 4 we are to not look to our own things, but to the things of others. We must consider how our actions might affect the other person's feelings, needs, self worth and most importantly his salvation. Jesus looked to the feelings of others---in John 11:35, His friend Lazarus had died and even though He knew He would later raise Him from the dead and that "Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord... " (Rev. 14:13); He wept (Jn.11:35), He was able to identify with the feelings of those who loved Lazarus and were grieving for him. Of such passion was the weeping of Jesus that, "...the Jews were saying, "Behold how He loved Him!" We all need to cultivate the ability to look to the feelings of others.

Today we have many who esteem themselves right up to God's level---they try to play God regarding human life. The abortionists seeks to end life before birth and now we have those who assist in suicides and call for such to be legalized as abortion was. "There are six things which the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are and abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil, a false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers" (Prov. 6:16-19).

Paul said, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:5). In order to esteem others more highly than ourselves we must try to be like Christ---to think and act as He would. This means becoming a servant (Matt. 20:27), showing true humility, "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up (James 4:10). To be humble requires a conscious effort, Peter said, "...and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you" (I Peter 5:5-7). Christ humbled Himself in John 13:4-5 when He washed the disciples feet. Finally He humbled Himself and He "...became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross" (Phil. 2:8). His humility and obedience is an example for us.

For Christ the reward of a humble, self-sacrificing life was exaltation by the Father:
"Therefore also God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those who are in heaven, and on earth, and under the earth" (Phil 2:9-10). He became a servant and God exalted Him as King. He became low and God lifted Him high.

Conclusion
"Fear God and keep His commandments... " (Eccl. 12:13). Why would obeying His laws work for us? Because He knows us much better than we know ourselves. After all, He created us and He knows what is necessary for us to have a happy, successful, and rewarding life-and then we will have Biblical self esteem. God created us and we have an "instruction manual" the Bible so we know how to live according to His will. We are free moral agents and can ignore the instruction manual---but we will fail if we ignore it. God supplies us with everything we need to live---we need only use His "instruction manual".

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