Helping Children Understand and
Cope with War
War is a topic of
conversation nearly everywhere you go these days. Children will
hear these conversations. Talking to children about the fears and
uncertainties of what might happen if, or when, war actually
occurs is extremely difficult and extremely important.
Very young children
may not be able to tell the difference between fictional violence
they see on TV all the time, and real violence related to war and
terrorism. They may hear unfamiliar terms and names. They may
confuse Afghanistan and Iraq, or Osama bin Laden and Saddam
Hussein.
In addition, young
children don’t understand the politics about war, and may be
puzzled when they hear some people are against the war and some
support it. They may also wonder about talk related to religion,
and not understand what religion has to do with war.
Older children may
understand more of the realities about war, and be very afraid of
the consequences. They may also be more interested in the
politics, and might even want to get involved themselves.
At any age, children’s
fears will be greater if they have a parent in active military
duty. This is very difficult because the danger really is great.
Children might express
their fears directly and ask a lot of questions. Or their fears
may show up in ways that are less obvious, such as sleeping
problems, difficulty concentrating, depression, general
crabbiness, restlessness or regression in their developmental
behavior, such as wetting the bed or throwing tantrums when they
have ordinarily not been doing these things. Pay attention when
children’s actions seem out of the ordinary, and encourage them to
talk.
How can parents help
their children with their concerns, fears and worries about war?
Encourage
children of all ages to ask questions and talk with you about
their concerns. Listen carefully and answer their
questions in language that is appropriate for their age. Try not
to burden them with too much information before they are ready.
Reassure them that you, other adults, their schools and their
country are takings steps to keep them safe. Be prepared to repeat
your conversations or explanations. In addition to not
understanding the complexities of war, children may find
reassurance in simply asking questions and receiving answers over
and over.
Limit media
exposure to war issues. While it is unrealistic to
completely shield children from the news, limiting the amount can
help children and adults avoid being overwhelmed. Watch how
children react to the news, and talk with them about it.
Don’t dismiss
their fears. As a adult, you’re probably a bit fearful
yourself. There’s a lot of power in simply giving a child a hug,
and saying, “I know this is scary. I’m glad we’re here together.”
If a parent is
serving in the war, do everything possible to maintain
contact (phone calls, e-mail, letters, sending video-taped bedtime
stories – whatever the circumstances allow). The military has made
great efforts to help parents in the service do these things.
Listed below this
article are several helpful sources on the web.
It’s a hard time for
children and adults. In responding to war concerns, children will
follow the examples set by adults around them, especially their
parents. When adults act worried and frightened, children will be
too. While it’s important that adults not hide the realities of
war, keeping a calm attitude will help children remain calm as
well.
Web
Resources from the University of Minnesota, Extension Services in
Minnesota and nationwide, and other universities
http://www.cyfc.umn.edu/publications/newsreleases/3-10-03nr.html
Talking to
Kids About Armed Conflict
North Dakota State University Extension Service
When War Is In
the News
Purdue Extension
Explaining Your Absence During Active Duty to Your
Children
University of Minnesota
Talking to Kids About War
New York University Child Study Center
Talking With Children About Terrorism and War
University of Illinois
From Other Sources
Information for Military Personnel and Their Families:
Healthy Parenting
Specific information about deployment and war
PBS Parents
Talking With Kids About War and Violence
PBS KIDS/Family Communications, Inc.
Helping Children Deal with Scary Thoughts-Thoughts from Fred
Rogers
Teaching Tolerance
Talking to Kids About War
The Learning Network
Talking About Conflict and War
Talking with Children about War - Pointers for Parents
National Association of School Psychologists
Coping in Unsettling Times
