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Can I Ever Pray Again?
by Sharon Paxton
Guidewords
I sat in a hospital room as I had many times before to keep
my Mother company and help her with anything she might need.
This time she slept a lot. A restless sleep induced by a
morphine drip to help control the pain of bone cancer.
Sometimes she talked in her sleep or woke suddenly to ask me
to take care of something for her. I watched her sleep and
prayed that God would let me keep her longer. I guess that
was the closest I've ever been to praying continually. If
she slept, I prayed. When I saw the signs that my prayers
were not going to keep her here I thought of myself as her
protector. I didn't want her to have any more pain or
suffering beyond that which she had already been through in
the last fifteen years of fighting a battle with cancer. The
last two days she just seemed to be hanging on and my
praying ceased. I waited and talked to her telling her we
would be OK and giving her permission to go to her family
and the God we served all of our lives. After she was gone,
I felt numb and wondered if I would ever be able to pray
again. I was filled with grief and I wondered if He ever
heard me in the first place. Did God really care?
I'd like to share some of the things I learned over the next
couple of years with you. I learned that God is in control
and His will will be done. God knows what the future brings
and I don't. He does what He thinks best for His children.
Many things have happened since that time and I believe that
God was sparing my Mother from pain and heartache that would
come if she stayed.
I learned that I am so weak and sinful before an all
powerful and awesome God. I was raised in the church, served
as a teenager doing what I could in the church, married a
young man that I taught the gospel, supported him while he
learned to preach, and raised two sons to be Christian men.
I thought I was doing pretty good and He must be proud of
me. I learned to love God more. Those who are forgiven of
much, love much. (Luke 7: 47) If you feel you are doing
pretty good and don't realize how much you have been
forgiven of you don't love as much. When I realized how much
I had been forgiven of by a God so holy, I was humbled.
I leaned that my prayers were often selfish and
superstitious. We always pray before meals and when we are
in trouble. Why? Because of habit or selfishness? I'm
learning more to pray to God on behalf of someone else or
just to praise Him. I learned how to pray from the Psalms
when my heart was to heavy to come up with the words. From
there I learned there are many prayers in the Bible that
could teach me to pray. We are so blessed to be able to go
to a God who allowed His Son to die so we could spend
eternity with Him and who allows us to call Him Father.
I hope some of the lessons I learned might help some of you
or help you better understand people going through a time of
grief (what ever the cause). I can see that God works in the
lives of people who love Him and will keep trusting to make
them stronger. I believe He does care.
~Sharon Paxton~
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If you like what you have read please pass this along
intact. I am Sharon Paxton, editor of Guidewords and member
of the church of Christ that meets here in Springtown,
Texas. I hope you were uplifted, encouraged, learned
something or made to smile while reading the Guidewords.
Guidewords.InJesus.com
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